An addiction problem often goes undetected or is an underlying issue that isnt the primary focus of a troubled marriage or family problem. It is common for financial difficulties, hurtful arguments or legal problems to overshadow the real problem, a loved one with an addiction.
Often alcoholism or drug addiction is the imperceptible culprit behind marital or family difficulties. Sometimes, the problems the families identify as the problem is really the result of alcohol or drug abuse and the spouse or family has failed to connect the two.
The disease of addiction can destroy the ties between husband and wife or within a family. Spouses often wonder why their loved one chooses to drink or use in spite of their request not to and all the problems it has caused. Because the disease of addiction is a family illness, often the family does not recognize how their own behavior may inadvertently contribute to the problem. It is common for a spouse or family member to try and control their loved ones drinking or using by hiding alcohol or monitoring what their loved one does and with whom they are with, all in a futile attempt to end the drinking or using. Spouses and family members often believe they are the cause of the addiction and that the monitoring will enable them to control the drinking or using problem.
Sometimes the family will become preoccupied with the addicted person and begin to blame them for the problems their behavior has caused. When this happens, the members of the family lose sight of their own sense of self and concentrate on controlling their loved one, especially during times of crisis. This is done as a reaction to the crisis and in an attempt to adapt to the difficult situation and environment at hand.
Realistically, it is impossible to control another person. At Addictions Counseling Inverness, we ask that you focus on taking care of your own needs, even if your loved one continues to drink or use.
The addiction is not your fault and you cannot control it. Identifying the addiction as the real problem in the marriage or family and learning how it has impacted each family member is the first step in getting help. Finding ways to practice good self-care, understand what your boundaries are and how to set limits in respectful ways is the beginning of getting help for yourself and encouraging your loved one to get the help they need. At Addictions Counseling Inverness, we understand how difficult life can be when living with a loved one who has an addiction. Our services will provide you with the support you need to recover from the agony of your loved ones addiction.